I’m sober and hanging out with drinkers
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For me, that included days at the horse racing, stag weekends in Prague and visits to Winter Wonderland. For you, it might be dreary after-work drinks or that book club that just seems to be a cover for unbridled midweek boozing. But you will be amazed by how many things that you have spent time and money on for years are, in the cold light of sobriety, rubbish.
Usually, it’s the cranky designated driver, or the well-behaved friend of the group, or someone who’s taking the night easy after a particularly terrible hangover. Being sober doesn’t have to mean giving up your social life, yet managing sobriety in a social setting (especially when alcohol is involved) can be a bit of a challenge. You may have a lot of concerns about going out after quitting drinking.
Ugh, drunks love to get all Dr. Phil on their relationship issues.
“Let’s get a drink” had been my bridge to the world, and I’d burned it. While some of your friends may be totally supportive of your decision, others may seem indifferent or respond in a negative way. Your sobriety might serve as a reminder to your “drinking buddies” that they’re consuming unhealthy amounts of alcohol, or stir up a bit of anxiety if they feel uncomfortable socializing sober.
Having more time and energy might motivate you to continue abstaining from alcohol. When you walk into a situation believing that you can’t have fun sober, this is likely to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might even isolate yourself or hold back from having a good time—which will then reinforce your belief (and others) that being sober makes fun impossible. It’s helpful to have something in your hand at all times. So if you go to a place that serves alcohol, maybe you can immediately order a non-alcoholic drink. Coffee shops, movie theaters, museums, libraries, and fast-food restaurants are just a few places that aren’t likely to serve alcoholic beverages.
Sober as in “Not Drunk”
I remember the first party I went to sober which was quite early days after I’d stopped drinking. I was confident that I’d be able to go and not drink but I was dreading it because I thought I’d be bored out of my brains. I thought I was going to be the most boring and unsociable person there. I felt like I didn’t have anything in common with the people that were going to be there.
- When you’ve reached this level of control and mastery, the fact that you’re surrounded by alcohol becomes irrelevant.
- As we’ve reported, there are a variety of treatments beyond Alcoholics Anonymous, including counseling, medications and support groups to help people who want to end that dependency.
- Maybe you discovered moderation wasn’t for you after flirting with the sober curious lifestyle.
- What you also find as you grow in confidence in navigating the world around you sober, is that your real true self starts to shine through.
He hadn’t been excessively drunk since he was a teenager, and got up at 5.30am every day to exercise, but the daily consumption of beer and wine was adding up. Fizzy pop is for kids, water is for nerds and drinking more than three cups of caffeine a day will ultimately turn you into a nervous wreck. Find yourself a non-alcoholic drink that feels grownup and a bit of a treat to enjoy at the end of the working day. I wish I could recommend some more obscure brands but, in my opinion, the bigger breweries have been first to perfect booze-free-booze. Avoiding the boozy scenes may mean that you’re doing some earlier-in-the-day small group or one-on-one meetups with your friends, and that’s okay. There is no law that says your social life is only valid if it’s happening at night.
Read the Full Series on Alcohol and Your Health
I know because there’s always some drunk friend that says it any time she’s had a couple of margaritas. However, I am the only person that ever remembers she said it. Some drunks somehow manage to find the only sober person in the room, engage them in conversation, and reveal all their kinks, which actually aren’t kinky at all. After a night of drinking, one friend gleefully conversed with a woman across the bar about the virtues of soup—for an hour. One of my college friends used to get drunk and aggressively challenge someone to start naming states so that he could name their respective capitals.
- Still, the findings were provocative, scientists say, and merit following up.
- When you’re a person who drinks, coming across a sober person is often a novelty.
- Movements like Sober September serve as a reset or cleanse after periods of heavy drinking.
- Not everyone may want to see you succeed with sobriety.
Yes, my drunk friend here loves [insert person here]. However, I am the only person sober enough to see it. After a few drinks, all my best friend wants to do is give hugs and cuddle—doesn’t much matter who. Once he locks onto you (we are still trying to figure out what triggers him), he will quickly and relentlessly violate anyone’s definition of personal space. Because I knew it was going to be challenging for me, I made sure we didn’t get involved in giving other people lifts. I also made sure that my partner was aware that I only wanted to go for a couple of hours.
How do you stay sober when drinking inspires friendships, connections, and even promotions?
The non-alcoholic beverage industry has been trending hot over the last couple years with alcohol-free alternatives to beer, wines, and spirits that taste just like the real thing. At 21 years old, I went to rehab for bulimia and came out, three months later, still bulimic but freshly sober. It took me eight months to conquer my eating disorder but, other than the lone beer I had post-rehab, my alcoholism has come with fewer setbacks and much more social discomfort. No one asks me why I’m not binging and purging because, thankfully, it’s not a socially acceptable thing to do.
How do you date someone who drinks a lot?
- Share your concerns. Approach your partner about their drinking at a time when they will be receptive, preferably when they're sober.
- Direct them to the right resources.
- Prioritize Yourself.
Recovering from alcohol misuse when your family still drinks can make sobriety more challenging. Unless drinking is an integral aspect of your event, it’s best to avoid alcohol in front of your newly sober loved one. Not drinking will show your support and help prevent your friend or family member from feeling socially isolated by remaining sober throughout the event. It’s crazy, but telling your social circle you don’t drink is sometimes harder than not drinking in the first place. Sobriety is so much more than a decision about your physical health and emotional well-being—it has a huge effect on your social life.
Problem Drinkers
If you’ve cut out other substances along the way, you may prefer describing your journey as living “clean” rather than just sober. For most, living clean and living sober are synonyms. Developing strategies to handle friendships with those who drink can improve the odds of continuing to live successfully with your sobriety. When we aren’t posting here, we build programs to help people quit drinking. The first question I always get is, “Wow, were you really that bad? ” I never know how to answer this question since the scale of how “bad” your addiction was is incredibly subjective.
Can sobriety be lonely?
You may feel left out of activities that you used to take part in, and it can take time to develop new interests and make new friends that fit into your new sober lifestyle. It's okay to feel lonely in your sobriety, but know that you are not alone and that there are tools you can use to mitigate your loneliness.
If you are around someone who has recently started or finished recovery, it is rarely okay to drink in front of them or even have alcohol present. Alcohol will always be a trigger for those in recovery, and it is significantly more triggering for those who recently started or ended treatment. In a better world, a person wrestling down an addiction would be welcomed back to the fold. Congratulations, you stopped harming yourself, let’s puppy-pile you with love and closeness again! But in the world we’ve been given, sobriety can be a social exile. And so I found myself stranded on the island of no drinking.
Reinforce what you’re doing is important, and you need them to be more supportive. Talk to them if you feel the vibe is off or they’re being pushy with you, even if it’s passive-aggressive. You may find yourself liking this new sobriety thing, as you’ll feel and look better from the inside out. These official guidelines come from the non-profit Moderation Management. The group was founded in 1994 as an alternative to AA. It has become a way for people to learn how to stop harmful patterns when they drink and identify triggers for those behaviors.
It gets to the point where you start to feel more confident about putting yourself into what you might call a challenging situation. You need to have control over when the time is right for you to leave. What naturally happens is that you start wanting to spend more time with the second group of people because they’re healthy for you. You can socialise https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/5-great-tips-for-being-sober-around-drinkers/ and communicate with those people in ways that don’t involve alcohol. It’s not going to work if you stop drinking and you think you can cocoon yourself away from the real world and protect yourself from all of the alcohol out there. What you need to do when you stop drinking is to accept that you’re going to be surrounded by alcohol.
2021-03-02
